London Bridge

Hey! I know it’s been a long time since we last spoke… I hope I’m not bothering, I never used to… or you never told me if I did. 

Im already speaking gibberish… excuse me again, but you have to understand how hard it is for me to do it.

I don’t know how to start, what to say… you used to be my best friend. 

I’ve missed you for a long time now. I’ve missed feeling loved by someone, being cherished and appreciated, but most of all I missed the only person who was able to fully understand me, who let me be me without being ashamed.

You know, this year I took my time healing after what happened.  And yet again seeing you, seeing us, going through photos and memories still hurts. Will it ever heal? Will it stop hurting? 

Anyway I’ve been travelling a lot, I went to London again, but without you this time. Landed on the same airport like the first time I saw you… I even took my time there, closing my eyes and remembering seeing you for the first time. Reality hit hard, cause I had to open them and stand alone there, realising you ain’t coming to pick me up anymore.

I know I might seem a bit of a masochist, I recreated the steps we took together that week and added a couple more; it felt empty without you there, even though the city was full of life. How can someone explain that to me? 

D. Was a really good friend, you should appreciate him, he surely deserves it, he took care of me as you told him to. 

Leaving London was hard. Felt like it always did leaving you, but I guess you can’t relate since I was always the one travelling. But let me put it in simple words: imagine having 100 needles pressing down your chest, slowly, rotating, making sure it gets deep down your every nerve till the spinal cord. Reality hit again. I was in a bus, all alone, crying, realising it was over, long time over.

I wish we’d be able to be friends again. 

I think I am ready now. 

Are you? 

Or are you afraid of going back to what it used to be? 

Don’t be, it won’t happen again. You used all the love I had. 

I hope you’re happy with someone else. I wish I’d be able to be happy as well… but no one will be you.